I've talked a few times before - here and here - about going to weddings as a single young woman in the frum community and about the looks and comments you get because you're still single at the devastatingly old age of 23 (now 24.) I went to another one of these weddings last night. It was a huge, gorgeous wedding with hundreds of people and plenty of older women to whisper while staring at you, so I started out feeling just as disgruntled as I usually do at these events. Over the evening, however, I noticed that many of the young married women who I went to school with are looking decidedly older than their ages. There were a number of these women who I didn't even recognize at first because they look so altered.
It's no wonder the frum women think 24 is old: when you get married at 18 and have your first kid at 19, (and just keep on having them,) by the time you're 24 you really feel old. And look it too, unfortunately.
On the brighter side, some of my married high school friends looked great. After I commented that the high school students at the wedding (the bride is their teacher) looked really small, one of these friends said to me, "Yeah, Frum-Fem, and they think that I'm an old lady! The way that they look at me just because I've got this wig on my head..."
Imagine that. There I was, feeling bothered at the looks I was getting for not wearing a wig, and my friend bothered because she was getting looks for wearing a wig.
My kids are all older than you, but I don't feel old at all.
ReplyDeleteThat's not saying that I don't look decrepit.
Maybe youth is a state of mind. My 85 (86? I can't remember) year old grandfather is, bli ayin hara, still as active as a 40 year old. He'd probably still be working if he could be.
ReplyDeletei think it's a matter of perspective. if you are happy and enjoying your life, doing fulfilling things, there's no reason to feel eyes looking at you askance. you will then exude an air of contentedness and confidence that your peers will envy.
ReplyDelete24 -- you're still a child!! :-)
ReplyDeleteJoe
P.S. - Found you by way of Seraphic Secret!
Joe - I know! When all your classmates are moving on to their 2nd and 3rd kids, though, it does make you feel a little out of place.
ReplyDeleteI love Seraphic Secret! 0
For the single girl it's about age. For the married girl it's why hasn't she gotten pregnant yet. For the mother of children, the question becomes is the extra weight she's carrying left over from the last pregnancy or the beginning of the next one. No matter where you are in life the starers and whisperers will stay busy with your business!
ReplyDelete... and this is, to a certain degree, a gender thing. Men are much less aware of, or perhaps influenced by, the questions, comments, and stares.
ReplyDeleteOf course, we're in our own little world to begin with! ;-)
I was 32 before I married my soul mate...