Modern Day Haman

It is tradition on the Jewish holiday of Purim to read the story\history of the holiday from a book called Megillat Esther. The story talks about the Jewish people being in exhile in Persia and about how the vizier to the Persian emperor, a man named Haman, planned to kill the entire Jewish people. 

It's a familiar story to us Jews. Evil man planning to kill us. Nothing new there. 

When we read the story of Purim, every time the 'storyteller' mentions the name, "Haman," it is customary for those listening to "boo" him. It's great fun, especially for the kids. This year, however, while I was listening to the Megillah, everyone booed at something else. It was when the 'storyteller' told about the Persian emperor levying a "mas" on his country. 

I wasn't familiar with the Hebrew word, "mas," so I quickly looked over at the English translation only to find the the word means, "tax."

I think I giggled till the end of the reading after that. Only because laughing out loud would have bothered the other listeners. 

How appropriate is it that Purim comes right in the thick of tax season? Taxes are our modern-day Haman. They come to conquer us. They come to destroy us. 

G-d save us from the evil tax-man. 

Bringing BY to the streets of BH

Never again. No more alcohol. Ever. Even for (erev*) Purim. 

Purim is the Jewish holiday on which it is a mitzvah** to get drunk until the point that you don't know the difference between the holidays hero, Mordechai, and it's villain, Haman. 

That's what I decided to do at the pre-Purim party I went to. It didn't work out so well, for me. I got my first hangover ever and it has inspired me to never, ever, drink like that again. 

The good news is that, as the Jewish sages teach, "When the wine goes in, the secrets come out," and that the secrets that I had to share proved that I definitely am a frum feminist. 

That I'm frum I proved by informing a fella' that I would not be giving him my number because I'm Orthodox and only date Orthodox guys, and by refusing to touch any of the male guests at the party who stuck out their hand for me to shake.  

That I'm a feminist I proved through my snarling answer to a guy who tried to tell me that polygamy is not only halachically*** sanctioned, but is actually good for the Jewish people. 

Here's a little bit of how the conversation went...

Idiot: "So, like, did you girls graduate from, like, a Bais Yaakov kind of school?" 

My Friends and Me: "Like, yeah."  

(For some reason, the idiot doesn't take the hint that that means that he should bugger off and bother some other girls who might be interested in his idiocy...)

Idiot's Friend: "Tell them your theory about polygamy."

Idiot: "According to halacha, not only is it allowed but actually it's required."

What I should have said: "You're an idiot. Goodbye." 

What I actually said: "Um, that's a retarded thing to say." 

Idiot: "Seriously! The gezeira of Rabbeinu Gershom (prohibition of polygamy from a 10th Century rabbi) ended 50 years ago. And there's a great Rabbi in Israel who preaches that it's allowed, and even necessary, now. 

Me: Do you really want to argue with me about this? I'm a graduate of a BY (Bais Yaakov) type school, remember? You will not win this argument."

Idiot: (Idiotically ignores my warning)

Me: If you insist... 

First I pointed out the precept of Jewish law of, "Maaseh avos siman la'banim," which means that something that has become a custom for the Jewish people because the Rabbis collectively decided to follow it, (such as the prohibition against polygamy,) becomes Jewish law by default.This is because, "Torah lo bashamayim hee," which means that when G-d gave the Torah to the Jewish people, he gave the authority over it to the Rabbis who, by majority rule, are supposed to make decisions regarding Jewish law. 

Me: "Besides, the prohibition against polygamy was renewed by the rabbis." (Just for idiots like you.)   

Idiot: "But this rabbi in Israel is a great scholar, and he says that considering the situation today, where there are more single Jewish women than single Jewish men, it's actually a kindness to allow a man to have more than one wife because it allows more women to get married and have children." 

Oh boy. That one really set me off. 

 

I nastilly informed him that his "rabbi" was just one amongst thousands, so his opinion really didn't matter. And that just because he was a Torah scholar that didn't mean that he knew what he was talking about because, "Chochma ba'goyim taamin, Torah ba'goyim al taamin," which is a teaching of the sages that means that even non-Jews have wisdom, but they don't have the wisdom of Torah, so his rabbi could be a brilliant scholar, but that didn't mean that he was scholarly enough to make decisions in Jewish law. 

Me: "You just believe this rabbi because you're pro-polygamy. It's a man's mitzvah to get married, not a woman's, and I guarantee that there isn't a single Jewish female out there who so bemoans her fate of being single that she'll willingly marry a man who already has a wife. " 

Idiot: "Actually, there are women in Israel who are married to men who have multiple wives - "

Me: "Those women are obviously ill. Polygamy is sexist and abusive and no woman with any self-respect or any sense of self-esteem would degrade herself by allowing another woman into her marriage." 

I finished off by advising him to never mention his pro-polygamy opinions again if he ever wanted to impress a girl, refused his invitation to go and get something to eat with him, and walked away without saying goodbye. 

You've learned a very important lesson today, chauvinists. Don't mess with a frum feminist. She's highly educated, highly intelligent, and won't take any crap (pardon my French) from you. So don't bother. You'll only end up looking like an idiot.

*erev - in this context, the word means that it's in the time leading up to Purim.

**mitzvah - commandment from G-d, also translated sometimes as, "a good deed".

***halachically - according to halacha, Jewish law

W - The President

I'm in the library right now doing some work and I'm wearing one of my, "W - The President" baseball caps. The one I'm wearing now is the less "obnoxious" one; it's black and says, "W" on the front and, "The President" on the back. I bought it during the 2004 election, when I was helping with the Bush campaign.

My other "W" hat says, "W - STILL the President," on it. I bought that one after Bush won. It was a, "Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah, we won!" hat. I wore it for Purim that first year and got maybe one look in shul.

Right now, I'm getting tons of them. Every person who walks by is eying me like I'm a child of the devil.

I know I'm one of the last remaining few who still likes Dubya. Especially here in Democrat-blue-country California. I haven't looked at his popularity ratings in a while, but I know they're in the dregs.

They are better than Olmert's, though that's not saying much. I picked up a copy of, "The Jewish Journal," today, a truly awful excuse for a newspaper here in LA put out by the Jewish Federation, and on the cover it announced, "OLMERT'S APPROVAL RATING GOES UP -- TO 3%"

But Olmert truly deserves his ratings. He's a terrible Prime Minister. Bush, however... If I were to say this aloud I'd likely be stoned with rotten vegetables, but he really hasn't done such a bad job as President. That's just a fact.

But people don't care about facts when it comes to Bush. They just plain hate him. "He's dumb and evil!" they declare. "Bush is today's Hitler!" liberals scream.

How is it that everyone has forgotten Saddam Hussein? How he gassed and tortured his own people? Does that sound familiar to anyone else?

And then everyone whines and cries about Bush going into Iraq. Forget the fact that he went in with Congressional approval so every member of Congress who voted to go to war is just as liable as him; how can any Jewish person in the world not rejoice in the downfall of Saddam Hussein, the mini-Hitler of our time?

Or, since Purim just passed, the true Haman of our time. Didn't anyone else see the picture of Jewish U.S. troops celebrating Purim in the palace of Saddam Hussein, of cursed memory?

Jewish philosophy teaches that it's our job to take the sparks of negative energy into the world and turn them into sparks of positive, G-dly energy. If celebrating Purim in Saddam Hussein's palace isn't flipping the evil sparks of Saddam's reign onto their collective backs, throwing them into G-dliness, I don't know what is.

How can a Jew still hate Bush, seeing this? Seriously; I know I have readers who dislike Bush -- explain it to me!