Dark Side Confession #2: Birth Control

As promised, once I got a confession from the Dark Side in my comments section, I am writing another confession of my own. This one is about birth control. 

First of all: Get your mind out of the gutter. I'm not confessing to whether or not I myself take birth control. That's a bit too personal, even on an anonymous blog. Also -- ew, T.M.I.

No, I'm going to make a confession about my beliefs about birth control. 

In my post-high school year I went to an ultra-Orthodox seminary for girls in Jerusalem where we had a lesson about "family planning." The following are actual notes from that class. I apologize in advance for my horrific grammar and vacuous explanations : 

• "Don't worry about פרנסה (livelihood) because each birth is a סגולה (a sort of lucky-charm) for פרנסה (livelihood)."
• "Talmud: If someone doesn't pro-create, it's as though they're destroying the world."
• "Some people think to have less kids will help world because there's already too many [people in the world]. Not true: If we have many children and raise them correctly, you're contributing to a better society." (sic on this whole sentence)
• We are told, "... not to do family planning because you're supposed to have however many [children] Hashem (G-d) wants you to have... Especially after the Holocaust,  [we] must rebuild [the] world." 
• "If someone is worried about פרנסה (livelihood) with many kids (sic), they don't have proper אמונה (faith in G-d). G-d will provide!"

In short, we were taught that using birth control (though actual methods of birth control were never discussed) was a statement of distrust in G-d. 

This is the actual, really-and-truly, attitude of the frum community. "Have children, and keep on having children and don't worry about the cost, just keep having children." 

The biggest problem with this philosophy is that it's taught to us when we are young, naive, and unsuspecting. There's a tremendous amount of peer\community pressure to have children, and to keep on having them, without any regard for financial planning or emotional capability. So often this results in overtired, overworked, and over-the-top-in-debt couples who tend to neglect their children - not because they don't love them or because they are bad parents, but because they simply don't have the time and the energy to properly care for their children.

I witnessed this pattern when I was growing up and I continue to witness it around me today. 

My confession here? 


I confess, in defiance of the community that I was raised in,  that I do not believe that birth control should be forbidden.

I defy the community's belief that having children is more important than financial and emotional health. I protest the value of putting the necessity of rebuilding the Jewish people in the hands of the young and naive. 

And I beg that the halachot (Jewish laws) that DO allow the use of birth control be taught to these young people. The laws exist for a reason, and promoting a philosophy of disgrace in "family planning" is unfair and unhealthy.