It's been a little while. I've been incredibly busy lately; it's got something to do with babysitting a toddler and an infant. A lot.
I assure you, my awe of full-time mothers has grown from this experience. So has my determination that I don't know if I could ever be one.
Maybe it's different when it's your own child and when I have children, G-d willing, I will want to stay home taking care of them all day. As of now, though, I really don't know if I have the right temperament. I was exhausted just from watching these kids for a few hours a day and it threw my schedule off because I wasn't used to:
a) Having to wake up so early
b) Having a hard time taking care of all my other responsibilities because I was so exhausted
I adore these kids, (and I'm not just saying that in case their parents read this blog - I really do,) and appreciated the time that I had with them, but it was not easy. I only had to do it for a few hours a day for a week and a half; I can't imagine doing it all day permanently.
That's not to say that I couldn't do it. I worked in a preschool for two years and, though it was excruciatingly hard work, really loved the kids and, (without sounding too egotistical,) know that did a pretty good job taking care of them. I also know that I took excellent care of the children in my charge over the past week and a half.
But it was so hard! How anyone could do that all day, I really don't know. At the same time, I do believe that if you're going to have kids, you'd better be ready and willing to do everything that you have to to take care of their best interests.
I just wonder whether it would really be in the best interest of my children for me to be a full-time mother. Isn't it possible that I would be a better mother if I wasn't completely exhausted all the time from taking care of a home and children?
I know that this isn't an opinion valued in the frum community, but could there be any validity in it?