An Opening for Frum Women

'Tis the season for the High Holidays. We've just gotten through Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur. Those of you who have attended services during these holy days are probably aware of the custom in many synagogues to sell portions of the high holiday services to the highest bidder.

(Side Note: Yes, we hold auctions in our holiest sanctuaries on the holiest days of the year. If that sounds strange to you... Well, join the club. If it doesn't, can you explain it to me?)

The parts of the service that are up for auction are all parts that the men perform. Opening the ark, getting to say a blessing on the Torah when it is brought out, having the honor of lifting the Torah up in the air for everyone to see and make their own blessings on, etc.

I wasn't aware of it when I was a child, but apparently there are some serious politics that take place in the men's section of the shul over these bids. There are certain parts of the service that are favored more than others and the guy who gets them is considered pretty important.

One these parts in the Yom Kippur service is the act of opening the ark for the last prayer of the day - neilah. Even without being aware of men's-section politics, I always knew that this part of the service was considered important because it always sold for a lot more than other parts of the service. Getting "psicha d'neilah" is a big honor for whatever man wins it.

You can't imagine my delight when I was told by a friend last night that she, along with 19 other young women, got together in a shul in Brooklyn and outbid all the men for this part of the service. And not just any women. Single women, who weren't just out bidding for their husbands. They bought it for themselves.

It's an historical event. Unheard of, as far as I know. No, they weren't able to perform the actual service: they had to have a man stand in and open the ark for them. But he did it on their behalf, acting as a stand-in, and all the credit for this age-old honor went to them.

To those young women: I salute you. You are an inspiration to frum women everywhere. I thank you for creating an opening for the rest of us.

American Woman

"American Woman" song a "slap in the face to American women everywhere!"

It's always Canada's fault.

Happy Fourth of July, everyone!

Women can be Geeks too

I have no data to back this up, but I think that we can all agree that there are more male geeks than female geeks. As a female geek myself, my personal experience has shown me to be a minority among women.

Take the LOST finale party I attended last week. There were eight guys, and then there was our hostess and me. That's a 1:4 ratio. Not a scientific calculation by any means, but it sounds about right to me. Whatever the numbers are, we are a minority.

You'd think that the mere fact that we were attending a LOST finale party would be enough to prove our geekness, yet still we were treated with suspicion.

"You women over there," our host warned us, "No talking!"

"What?" I asked. "Just because we're women that means we're going to be talking throughout the show? We want to see the finale just as much as you guys! That is so sexist! This is totally going on my blog!"

To be fair, once the show started, the hostess and I did have to be shushed. We couldn't keep from laughing out loud because the guys were all leaning in toward the screen with looks of rapt adoration on their faces. Can you really blame us?

Post dedicated to Holy Hyrax. ;)

Bend over, Israel

In a recent AP report criticizing Israel:

"Israel annexed east Jerusalem after capturing it from Jordan in the 1967 Mideast war. But the international community does not recognize the annexation and considers the Jewish neighborhoods in east Jerusalem to be illegal settlements."

Just who is this "international community"? The United Nations? Because they're not anti-semitic. (Sarcasm, there, in case you missed it.)

So the anti-semitic international community considers Jewish neighborhoods in east Jerusalem to be illegal settlements. Better bend over to the anti-Semites, Israel. Don't worry: they promise not to make any, "Final Solution"s.

Hats

Women in the frum community cover their hair after they get married. It's halacha (Jewish law,) the explanation of which is longer than I want to get into right now, so let's just acknowledge this as fact. Orthodox women cover their hair.

They use scarves, hats, wigs, and (ugly) snoods. Depending on the community, some wear only scarves, only wigs, only hats, and even only wigs with a hat on top. I never understood that one - it seemed kind of deceptive to me to be wearing a hat on top of a wig, which could be mistaken as the real hair that the woman is trying to cover with her hat.

Personally, I like hats. Not for covering my hair (unless you count bad hair days) but just because I like hats.

That doesn't mean that when I get married I'm going to wear hats to cover my hair; in fact, I plan to wear -- very expensive, very authentic-looking -- wigs when I get married.

But you can't say, "I like hats," in the frum community without getting a barrage of comments about covering your hair for marriage.

Case in point: I visited some cousins in Israel during the summer a few years ago and happened to be wearing a hat. It was sunny and the hat was cute, so I wore it. As girls tend to do, I asked my cousin, "So, how does this hat look?" and instead of telling me whether she liked the hat, she said:

"Don't wear it. You look married."

Seriously? I'm supposed to give up wearing hats because someone might mistake me for being a married woman? Oh, the horror.

I haven't given it up, and neither have the double-takes that people I know give me when they see me wearing a hat. Just a few weeks ago I was wearing a hat in the supermarket and bumped into the husband of a friend of mine. It was raining hard that day, which should have been enough to keep him from standing there blinking at me owlishly, but it wasn't.

"Did you get married?" he asked me.

"Nope. It's raining. I like wearing hats," I answered him. "And that's hat discrimination!"

Bring in the Firemen

We had a bit of a scare last night and wound up calling the fire department to come check out what turned out to be some burning food.

Embarrassing? Very.

But what horrified me even more, as I watched three firetrucks, one ambulance, and about a dozen firefighters invade my neighborhood and home, was the feeling of, "Omg, you really need a guy to deal with things like this."

In retrospect, it seems irrational - there was nothing about the situation that I shouldn't have been able to handle by myself. But in the moment, circumstances (the smell of gas, smoke coming out of the vents, a kitchen full of smoke...) made us women panic and call 911 where a guy would probably have just thrown open every possible source of smoke, careless about the fear that "something" might happen, and discover that it wasn't anything major.

The truth is that, given the circumstances, I know we did the right thing in calling the fire department. Better safe than sorry. But that doesn't make me feel any better knowing that these "circumstances" included the fact that we females were just too panicked to handle it on our own.

I'm left struggling with the question of whether women really are more emotionally fragile than men. My feminist side is yelling, "NO WAY!" while this other voice is poking at me saying, "Um, remember last night?"

Conversation Glimpse

Conversation I had recently with a friend on Facebook where we joke about the frum community's attitude about several topics, including having kids and a woman's role in society.

(Wait, aren't those the same thing?)

Friend

look at the pics

9:11pmMe

what pics?

9:13pmFriend

I put up some more

9:13pmMe

i'm looking and commenting now

9:14pmFriend

: )

9:17pmMe

holy moley, that's a lot of kids

8 grandkids?

9:17pmFriend

hmm

let me count

4+2+2+1+1=10 actually

a bunch are babies

9:18pmMe

HOLEY $%^#!

0-10 in, what, 10 years?

less

5 years

how long have you been married? There were no grandkids at your wedding.

9:19pmFriend

almost 6 yrs

9:19pmMe

so, 0-10 kids in 5 years

9:20pmFriend

hmm well yeah

9:20pmMe

it's like a conspiracy to repopulate the world with their own offspring

9:21pmFriend

omg lol

9:22pmMe

*conspiring in a back room somewhere* “So we have to marry them off - one after the other, after the other, and then tell them that it's their duty to have a kid every 9 months

9:22pmFriend

omg

9:22pmFriend

lmao

9:22pmMe

*continues planning* "if you can manage two at a time, you'll get a special award!"

9:22pmFriend

What, a third kid?

9:23pmMe

hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

*announcement* "the award will be... a lifetime supply of caffeine and tylonol!"

9:24pmFriend

(I sense an article)

9:24pmMe

tylenol

"we'll even throw in a free Pesach* experience!"

*Succos is available as an alternative

9:25pmFriend

how bout some earplugs?

(a humor piece must be written..)

9:25pmMe

earplugs? var vus i need earplugs? chas v'shalom! the sound of children is the biggest blessing!

besides, my hearing will expire from all the noise on its own

9:26pmFriend

lol

9:26pmMe

*alternatively* "NOISE? WHAT NOISE? I CAN"T HEAR YOU!"

9:27pmFriend

“what??? did you say s/t?”

9:27pmMe

"MY HEARING SORT OF WENT AFTER THE 12TH KID"

9:27pmFriend

“oysh, mine went as well… I dont know… I dont remember anything…

my memory went, since the last time i slept 4 consecutive hours was, oysh, maybe 30 yrs ago?”

9:28pmMe

"DO ME A FAVOR? GET ME SOME OF THAT GINKO STUFF FOR THE MEMORY?"

9:28pmFriend

“yes mine neighbor told me about that giko”

“natural”

9:28pmMe

"4 CONSECUTIVE HOURS? YOU GOT FOUR? I ONLY GET 2!"

9:28pmFriend

“safe, much better than going to a doctor”

9:29pmMe

"Scientific studies say it's a hoax, but what do these scientists know? My neigbor? HE knows!"

9:29pmFriend

“yes well not he, we dont talk to people called ‘he’”

of course

9:30pmMe

"Right. I'll talk to his secretary, tell her my symptoms, she'll tell him, he'll ask her some questions for me, she'll come back and get my answers, then she'll go back to him and then he'll prescribe some healthy herbs."

9:30pmFriend

“exception for talking to these ‘he’ creatures: for my new baby boy, my tzaddikel”

“husband - not so much”

9:31pmMe

lol

"I'd go to a lady doctor, but you know ladies don't really have the brains to be doctors..."

9:32pmFriend

oy

especially an ob-gyn

u must go to a man

women are too emotional to make good decisions

9:33pmMe

because men are so much more sensitive to women's issues (i've actually heard people say that about going to male OBs)

9:33pmFriend

(truth- this could a a thread outta imamother- they really truly say that)

9:33pmMe

Daaaaaaamn (excuse my French)

9:35pmMe

i'm gonna copy and paste this into my blog.

take the names out to protect the innocent, of course